Toddler Sleep: How Sleep Impacts TEMPER TANTRUMS!

Whether you want to call it the “terrible twos” or the “trying threes,” toddlers can be very hard to handle while they’re in the middle of a tantrum. I’ve been there, more than once.

 

>> I’ve been the victim of getting peas spit on the floor while screaming, “I WILL NOT EAT THESE!” … even though yesterday they were his favorite.

 

>> I’ve had to leave a cart half-full of groceries at the store because the youngest one would NOT stop screaming because he wanted to eat all of the food I was putting in the cart…. sometimes, mama just can’t.

 

>> I’ve listened to the princess ballerina screaming that her tights were on crooked and her bun wasn’t perfect as we’re pulling into the dance studio parking lot.

 

MAMA, I’VE BEEN THERE. And because of my experiences and my background in Early Childhood Development & Education, I can share my wisdom with you. 

The Reason Behind the Tantrums

 

Think back to your toddler’s newborn days. How did she communicate? Smiling, cooing, body language and crying, right? You had to learn each of your baby’s needs and know your baby as well as you know yourself. That baby is growing up and is turning into a toddler with a mind of her own and the desire to make her own decisions. This can be a major factor in your toddler’s behavior. Maybe you told her to put on the blue pants but she wants to wear the red pants. She doesn’t feel in control of herself so she may communicate those emotions through a tantrum. However, the reason why she throws a tantrum rather than having a mature conversation about the clothing selection is because the prefrontal cortex of the brain is not yet mature. This is the part of the brain that regulates emotion and controls social behavior. This area of the brain begins to develop at age four (hence why my four year old son is easier to reason with than my three year old daughter)! While toddlers are still learning to communicate and may throw a tantrum in the place of language, there are many factors that can contribute to triggering tantrums.

 

Let’s look at some other reasons why toddlers throw tantrums. 

• Communication struggles

• Hunger

• Frustration

• Exhaustion

 

How to Help Your Child Avoid Exhaustion Tantrums

 

Yup, you guessed it. I’m going to delve deeper into the exhaustion tantrums. 

 When many families come to me for advice, they tell me that their child is fussy, cranky, clingy and difficult to calm. Most of these babies aren’t getting enough sleep either. I’ve been saying this long before I became a sleep consultant, but sleep and behavior go hand in hand. It’s the same with adults, except we can drink coffee. 

 

When my oldest son was a baby, many people made comments about how I can’t control everything and I should “let up” on his sleep schedule. So I listened. I went out and about and let him nap in the car and put him to bed late AND HE WAS MISERABLE. So was I. When he didn’t sleep well, we were up more during the night and I had to hold him for a good portion of the day in order to keep him calm and content. His tantrums were out of control. One tiny detail could set him off and he’d be screaming for what felt like hours. (Even if they only lasted 15 minutes, it felt like a heartbreaking eternity). I very quickly went back to my strict sleep schedule and he turned back into my easy-going happy little baby. 

 

Sleep is such an important piece of the puzzle when raising kids. When a child is exhausted, the smallest detail can trigger a meltdown. Maybe she wanted the nightgown and not the footies. Maybe she wanted to brush her own teeth instead of you doing it for her. Maybe she wanted to pick out the bedtime story tonight or pick which songs you sing at bedtime. These toddlers just aren’t fully capable of communicating their needs and desires the same way adults can. 

Let’s get set up for success and minimize the tantrums:

1. Have an appropriate daytime schedule. Wake up by 8am every morning. Offer an afternoon nap, not to exceed 3 hours. Have an appropriate bedtime between 7-8pm.

2. Naps should be in the early afternoon, ending by 4pm at the latest. 

3. An early bedtime is appropriate for toddlers. Melatonin is naturally produced as the sun goes down. This will help your child fall asleep more naturally and quickly.

4. Routines are essential. You must have a bedtime routine in place. Read a few books, sing some songs, have special cuddle time before sleep. Your routine should be consistent every night.

5. Allow your toddler to make some choices. Let her pick out her pajamas, let her choose the books. Let her attempt to brush her own teeth, then tell her it’s your turn to make sure they’re shiny and bright. Let your child feel like she’s in control. 

6. Communicate. It’s important that you communicate with your child about what is happening next BEFORE it’s about to happen. Instead of, “ok I’m leaving now” try this instead: “Ok, you can pick one more song to sing together and then I’m going downstairs to wash the dishes.” Your child is in control of choosing the song and will also knows where you are going when you leave. 

If you have all of these tips in place and need a customized sleep plan, let’s set up a time to chat! 

 

Some things to think about when deciding when you want to start sleep training your baby/toddler:

• Ensure it’s the proper timing- make sure your baby isn’t sick, you aren’t traveling, or you don’t have any big life changes coming (new baby, moving, switching jobs/childcare, etc.).

• Be prepared to put in the work. Consistency will pay off in the long run. Sleep training isn’t overnight success; it takes many nights and dedication to help your baby learn to sleep.

• Create a plan, or invest in a sleep consultant. If you choose to work with me, I will assess your baby’s sleep habits and write a customized step by step sleep plan for your baby. No two plans are the same, just as no two babies are the same. My sleep plans are based on your child’s temperament, age, parental preference and so much more! My sleep packages also come with unlimited support for the duration of your purchase- you can ask me anything and share every triumph and victory!

Sweet Dreams!

Missy Yandow