My Child Pees on the Toilet But Won’t Poop: Understanding Poop Accidents After Potty Training
Your child pees just fine on the toilet, but poop is a completely different story.
Maybe they’re having poop accidents every day. Perhaps they’re pooping in their underwear. Or, they’re hiding behind the couch to poop. Or maybe they’re holding it for days at a time because they refuse to sit on the toilet. Maybe they happily pee in the toilet, but continuously have poop accidents after potty training.
If that sounds familiar, I want you to know something right away:
You are not alone.
I cannot tell you how many parents come to me completely overwhelmed by their child’s poop struggles. I’ve had parents crying during consultations because they feel like they’ve failed. They wonder why every other child seems to figure this out while their child continues to struggle.
Your child is not the only one dealing with this.
This advice comes from both my professional experience as a potty training consultant and my personal experience as a parent. One of my own children struggled with poop-related issues years after successful potty training.
If you’re feeling frustrated, exhausted, confused, or worried, take a deep breath. There is a reason this is happening, and there are solutions.
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The Biggest Misconception About Poop Accidents After Potty Training:
One of the first things I tell parents is this:
Poop accidents do not automatically mean potty training has failed.
In fact, if your child is peeing successfully in the toilet, that’s a huge clue.
They already understand part of the potty training process.
The issue isn’t necessarily potty training itself.
The issue is that there is a disconnect somewhere when it comes to poop.
That disconnect may be physical, emotional, behavioral, developmental, or a combination of several factors.
Understanding the difference between what is typical and what might be a red flag is the first step toward helping your child.
When Poop Accidents After Potty Training Are Considered Typical
During the early stages of potty training, poop accidents are completely expected.
If you’re within the first few weeks of potty training, or even the first month, some accidents are still part of the learning process.
Why?
Because children are learning two completely different body sensations.
Peeing and pooping are not the same skill.
They come from different parts of the body and create different sensations that children must learn to recognize and respond to.
For some children, understanding the urge to pee comes naturally.
Recognizing the urge to poop can take a little longer.
Common Reasons for Early Poop Accidents:
1. They Are Still Learning the Sensation to Poop
Your child may simply not recognize the feeling of needing to poop yet.
They know what a full bladder feels like, but they haven’t fully connected the dots between a full bowel and needing to sit on the toilet.
2. They’re Distracted
Children are busy.
They’re playing, building, running, climbing, imagining, and exploring.
Many children become so focused on what they’re doing that they ignore the signals their body is sending.
By the time they realize they need to poop, it may already be happening.
3. They Didn’t Make It in Time
Sometimes children do recognize the urge.
They know they need to go.
But they wait too long.
Then they rush toward the bathroom and simply don’t get there in time.
This can be frustrating, but it’s also a normal part of learning.
When Poop Accidents After Potty Training Become a Red Flag
While accidents can be expected early on, there are situations where I start looking deeper.
Your Child Refuses to Poop on the Toilet
If your child consistently refuses to poop on the toilet from the very beginning of potty training, there’s usually something more going on.
This isn’t simply a matter of needing more practice.
There is often an emotional, behavioral, or physical barrier that needs to be addressed.
Your Child Only Poops in Certain Locations
I’ve worked with children who:
- Hide behind furniture to poop
- Run to their bedroom every time they need to go
- Sneak into closets
- Only poop while wearing a pull-up
- Put on a pull-up specifically to poop and then remove it afterward
If your child has created a specific routine or ritual around pooping, that’s an important clue.
Their brain has developed a strong association between pooping and a particular environment.
Helping them break that association often requires a more targeted approach.
Your Child Experiences Pain or Fear
Pain is one of the biggest red flags I look for.
Signs may include:
- Walking on tiptoes
- Clenching their body
- Holding their bottom
- Refusing to sit down
- Saying things like “I don’t want it to come out”
- Complaining that pooping hurts
Children are incredibly smart.
They remember painful experiences.
If pooping has hurt before, they may start avoiding it altogether.
Unfortunately, withholding poop often creates even larger stools, which leads to more pain, which reinforces the cycle.
Why You Should Always Rule Out Medical Issues First
Before trying behavioral strategies, I always encourage parents to speak with their child’s pediatrician if there are ongoing poop concerns.
This is especially important if the problem is new.
In my own family’s experience, we had a child who potty trained quickly and successfully.
Then years later, we suddenly found ourselves dealing with chronic constipation.
It became severe enough that we sought help from a pediatric gastroenterologist.
Eventually, my child was diagnosed with symptoms consistent with IBS and required medical intervention.
The lesson?
Never assume every poop problem is behavioral.
Medical conditions can absolutely contribute to toilet refusal and poop accidents.
Always rule out physical causes before focusing solely on emotional or behavioral strategies.
The Three Main Reasons Children Have Poop Accidents
After working with countless families, I’ve found that most children fall into one or more of three categories.
1. A Learning Gap
Sometimes the issue is simply a skill that hasn’t been mastered yet.
The child hasn’t fully connected the sensation of needing to poop with the action of getting to the toilet.
This is particularly common in younger toddlers.
2. Constipation
Constipation can create an entire chain reaction.
Pain leads to withholding.
Withholding leads to larger stools.
Larger stools cause more pain.
More pain creates more fear.
And the cycle continues.
3. Pressure and Power Struggles
This one surprises many parents.
When children feel excessive pressure around toileting, they often push back.
Imagine being reminded to do something every twenty minutes all day long.
Eventually you’d become annoyed too.
Many children don’t have the words to say:
“Please stop talking about poop.”
Instead, they refuse.
They resist.
They avoid.
And suddenly toileting becomes a battle.
What NOT To Do When Your Child Has Poop Accidents
Let’s talk about some common mistakes that can actually make the problem worse.
Don’t Shame or Guilt Your Child
I know this is hard.
Accidents are frustrating.
Laundry is frustrating.
Cleaning poop is frustrating.
But shame does not create success.
Your child is already struggling.
Adding guilt only increases anxiety and resistance.
Don’t Force Toilet Sitting
This is a big one.
Please do not physically force your child to sit on the toilet.
Please do not hold them there.
Please do not require them to stay seated until they poop.
Forcing creates fear.
Fear creates resistance.
Resistance makes progress harder.
Don’t Interrogate Them
Many parents desperately want answers.
So they ask:
“Why won’t you poop on the toilet?”
“Are you scared?”
“Does it hurt?”
“What’s wrong?”
Over and over.
The problem is that these conversations often create more pressure than clarity.
Instead of discovering the root cause, we sometimes accidentally plant new fears and worries.
Don’t Immediately Go Back to Pull-Ups
There are rare situations where temporarily stepping back makes sense.
But in most cases, returning to pull-ups becomes a bandage rather than a solution.
The goal isn’t to avoid accidents.
The goal is to understand why they’re happening.
What TO Do Instead
The first thing I focus on in consultations is understanding what’s happening beneath the surface.
Many children cannot fully explain their fears, frustrations, or concerns with words.
That’s why I often incorporate play-based strategies and child-centered approaches into my work.
Children communicate through play far more effectively than most adults realize.
Neutralize Your Language
This is one of the most powerful shifts parents can make.
When an accident happens, stay neutral.
Not angry.
Not disappointed.
Not overly reassuring.
Simply factual.
“Okay, you had an accident. Let’s get cleaned up.”
That’s it.
No lecture.
No shame.
No dramatic reaction.
The less emotional energy we attach to accidents, the less power they hold.
Start Tracking Patterns
I strongly encourage parents to keep a poop log.
Look for patterns such as:
- Time of day
- Activities occurring before accidents
- Foods eaten
- Frequency of bowel movements
- Emotional triggers
- Signs of withholding
Patterns often reveal clues that would otherwise be easy to miss.
Build Body Awareness
Many children benefit from learning how to recognize their body’s signals.
The goal isn’t forcing success.
The goal is to help them understand what’s happening inside their body before an accident occurs.
This awareness takes time.
But it’s a critical piece of long-term success.
Remember: This Is a Process
One of the hardest things for parents to hear is that this usually isn’t an overnight fix.
The longer the problem has existed, the longer it often takes to resolve.
Of course, some children have a breakthrough and suddenly everything clicks.
But most children need time.
They need consistency.
They need support.
And they need adults who understand that the behavior is usually a symptom of something deeper—not stubbornness.
Need Help Solving Your Child’s Poop Accidents?
If you’re dealing with poop accidents, poop withholding, toilet refusal, or chronic poop struggles, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Start With the Poop Fix Guide
My Poop Fix Guide helps parents identify the root cause of accidents, track patterns, understand what’s happening beneath the surface, and create a plan for moving forward.
Book a One-on-One Consultation
If your child’s situation feels more complex or you’ve already tried everything you can think of, I’d love to help. Let’s book a one-on-one potty training consultation.
Together, we’ll identify what’s really causing the accidents and create a customized plan that meets your child where they are.
Final Thoughts
If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this article, it’s this:
Your child is not broken.
Potty training is not failing.
And you are certainly not alone.
There is always a reason behind poop accidents.
When we stop focusing on the accident itself and start looking for the root cause, that’s when real progress happens.
Whether the issue is a learning gap, constipation, emotional stress, fear, or a power struggle, there is a path forward.
And there is absolutely a light at the end of the tunnel. Poop accidents after potty training aren’t forever. Remember that this is temporary and there IS a solution.
Keep blooming.
